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April 8

04/08/2014

Do you ever feel worthless, and feel like the whole world is against you? Do you ever feel like the universe goes “Hey, I have a list of 20 uncool things to throw to someone. Lets throw it on this girl!” And I am that girl. Do you ever feel like giving up because you know you’ve had enough already? Do you ever feel like disappearing from the world and watch everyone live their life happily without you?

I’m tired of feeling like nobody needs me. I’m tired of feeling sad everyday. I’m tired of experiencing a wonderful day, actually thinking it would all end well, just to know that there’s always a certain person that will destroy such a beautiful day. I’m actually tired of going through the same routine everyday. Wake up, shower, eat, have a great day, go home, get scolded at, over think about life, cry to sleep. Its what happens maybe not everyday, but most of the time. Can that routine just be like: wake up, shower, eat, have a great day, sleep with a smile. I have always wanted to end each day happily, no frustrations, but no. There’s always someone or something that will keep turning my huge grin into a frown and make me feel worthless and eventually just make me cry to sleep.

Why can’t people see the positive things a person had achieved? Why does society focus on the negatives? Its quite odd that the people who should be supporting you since Day 1 are the ones who make you feel like you’re not enough; make you question your worth. I am tired of trying my best, (and actually accomplishing such achievements) just to know that what I have been doing is not enough. I am tired of living with so much expectations. Expectations that don’t even make you a better person. Expectations that will make you feel so small and will make you just want to sleep all day so that no one would bother you. I tried. I tried being the best for everyone, but I guess everyone just doesn’t see all my efforts. I know I have achieved great things, but I wish you could see it. I wish you could appreciate at least 1/16 of my achievements. It would be nice to hear a “Hey, good job!” or “You did this? Wow!” but no. It’s always “That? You’re proud of that little thing?” or “Fix your life.” Not to brag, but hey, I’m a good kid you know. I don’t do illegal things, I stay in school, my grades are pretty okay, and I’m not a bad person. But why can’t you see the good in me? Why can’t you make me feel like I’m actually special; like I am important?

But life is like that. And I can’t change it. But I can always hope for things to get better. Although, I hope you realize I’m trying. I hope you realize I am trying to be the best to make you all proud. I am.

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